Being, Becoming, and Belonging

This is the story about how Michael* became my student, the impact he had on our community, and what I'm still learning all these years later because he was a part of my life.

Michael was about 10-15 years older than me. He was kind of a fixture in Menlo Park, and you'd often see him scooting about town in his motorized wheelchair. I'd hold a door for him at Starbucks or wave at him on the street. He always seemed to be smiling and heading somewhere important.

Eventually, we said hi and exchanged names in passing, and over time, we started talking in the park outside the rec center when I was early for class. I learned that he had cerebral palsy and had been in a wheelchair most of his life. He told me stories about his childhood, and we sometimes talked about politics. He was a very nice man with interesting opinions and a very different perspective on life than I had.

One day, he came into our training room and asked if he could take lessons with me. He said he had been harassed by some teens and wanted to be able to defend himself. Michael had almost normal use of one hand, and the other was mostly atrophied. I didn't know what I'd be able to do to teach him to defend himself, but I also really liked him and didn't want to say no. I offered him a free 30-minute private lesson to see what we could or couldn't do. At the end of the lesson I told him I didn't want to promise I could teach him to defend himself against of group of teens, but that if what he wanted was to learn what he could, I'd be happy to teach him through private lessons.

Michael trained with me for over a year. We worked on different hand strikes, some basic get-away techniques if he got grabbed, hand-eye coordination drills, and I taught him short-staff techniques.

Sometimes he would come during class time to watch a class and practice on the side. He often attended our quarterly parties. One of my teen students quickly befriended him and would practice with him occasionally. When the other kids saw a black belt interacting with Michael, they started talking to him, too. I never would have guessed that he would have been such a significant member of our school.

I thought of Michael the other day as I was pondering something Thomas Huebl said:

“There are three powers that create human rights: the right to be, the right to become, and the right to belong. Human rights are composed out of these three forces: Being, Becoming, Belonging.”

As I was trying to integrate these concepts, I remembered Michael.

I always had the sense that many people didn't see him as they went about their day. He was just part of the scenery, almost invisible. What must that have been like for him?

The people who took the time to acknowledge Michael and connect with him grew to like him. He was funny and sweet. From what I remember of the stories he told me about his childhood, Michael had been fighting his whole life simply to be allowed to exist, to be.

I didn't realize it at the time, but when Michael asked me to teach him self-defense, he was asking for help in taking control of some aspect of his life. He was looking to increase his ability to have an impact on his world. He was exercising his right to become something new by learning a new skill.

As he found a place to belong in our community, that impact reached out to not just his own life but to many of ours. We all learned from each other and walked away better for it.

As I learn to integrate the ideas of Being, Becoming, and Belonging as our basic human rights and how they fit with healing individual and collective trauma, I will keep in mind the image of Michael practicing in the back of the class as an example of how easy it can be to support someone in exercising those basic rights.

*Name changed for privacy.