War - written 3-7-2022

The only first-hand experience I have of buildings being blown up in my country is 9-11. I didn't even know what had happened at first. I woke up feeling off and called my trainer to say I wouldn't be coming in, and she told me to turn on the TV. It was around 6:30 am in California. The second tower was still standing, and the Pentagon had not yet been hit. I didn't wake up my roommate because it was so early.

In 2001, the only news outlets were on TV. I sat in front of the TV all day. When I couldn't take it anymore, I went to a friend's house and sat in front of the TV with other people around. It was surreal. I couldn't quite wrap my head around what was happening. Worse, I couldn't do anything useful. Nobody went to work. Nobody knew what was coming next. Everything stopped. But it was one day. And the government struck back swiftly. We stood up for ourselves against what President Bush called "the axis of evil."

Life slowly returned to normal. It may have returned faster because we had a sense that "normal" was how to show "them" that we were still standing, that they had not won.

Today living a "normal" life seems incongruent. I don't know what else I think I'm supposed to be doing, but it feels disrespectful.

In Ukraine, people have been under attack for two weeks now. Two weeks. Even having watched the news on too many feeds for too many hours over too many days I cannot fathom what that must be like.

I pray to a G-d I do not understand that this will end and Putin will be stopped. I pray that refugees will be welcomed and protected as they leave behind everything they know. I pray for families divided, for loved ones lost, for a chance at peace. I pray that the soldiers in the Russian army will lay down their arms and say "this is not worth killing or dying for." I pray that the world leaders will find something more effective than trade sanctions before Ukraine no longer exists.

A friend told me that when everything seems dark, we should be the light. I have been avoiding posts about anything deeper than my cat because I don't want to bring any more darkness to the world. But maybe part of how we can be a light is to let others know we feel with them.

If you are hurting, I feel you.

If you are angry, I see you.

If you are numb, I am with you there.